No, it really IS better to receive

Ah, registries. To me, the most scientific and calculated part of wedding planning, on both ends. How to best increase your chances of getting what you want? How to choose a gift the couple "really needs"? Really, it's all a cycle, and the biggest mistake people make is not understanding how the other half thinks.

For example, a couple registers for something thinking they really need it, and a gift-buyer thinks "that alone is a crappy present." Like what, you ask? Like single pots. Like individual kitchen utensils. Like open stock dishes. People do not like buying these presents. They like SETS. They like feeling like they're contributing something significant to your lives. Never mind that you would use that pot every day. It still feels like "just a pot." To quote my dear friend B, "what do you say? 'Thanks for the pot'? Haha."
Sets are your friend. Pots come in sets, and yes, those kitchen necessities like spatulas and slotted spoons, those come in sets too. If you like those bed-in-a-bag things, that's awesome. Who wouldn't rather get someone their entire set of bedding than chipping with six people for a duvet cover? Just look carefully at what a set includes - I don't believe they usually include ladles, for example, so make sure you add those separately and hope you invited one of those people that like to buy all the little kitchen things (or who do so as a result of last minute scrambling when everything else on your registry has been purchased.)
And speaking of noticing what sets do NOT include, please note that 5-piece china settings generally do NOT include bowls, which must be registered for separately. However, I believe Michael C. Fina (www.michaelcfina.com) offers some settings in 6-piece too. The greatest thing is when stores like Fortunoff (which has just about every china pattern ever made) have a special sale where a bowl comes free with the setting. In fact, my very brilliant friend who was recently married actually returned the settings she'd received without bowls during one of these sales and got back settings with bowls instead. This, my friends, is sheer genius.

Another tip to help you get what you want? Make sure you have a number of gifts available in every price range, keeping in mind the general spending habits of wedding guests in our general circle, which, as far as I can tell, are as follows:

Engagement gifts: Vary greatly, anyway from around $20 from peers to hundreds from relatives. Try to have a few $20-30 gifts for friends, and some $50-75 for the average adult couple. People who want to spend more will always find something from your registry and don't really need to be planned for.

Shower gifts: Almost uniformly $25, give or take five bucks here or there. Lingerie has a way of being more expensive, but then, there's no registering for that. (Although bear in mind that you can register for a shower at Sephora (www.Sephora.com).

Wedding gifts: These also vary greatly, of course, but again, just going with what I've seen the past few years. These are the most important to ensure you have an abundance of on your registry, as this is the class of gifts most likely to be purchased from your registry, and often people who want to get a gift for you but can't find one in your price range will simply put off buying you one and eventually forget. Single friends generally spend $30-50, while couples or friends going in together will presumably double that, usually on the higher end. Again, there's rarely a shortage of gifts over a hundred dollars on the registry so no worries about that.

Now, the gifts don't have to be single gifts - for example, say you register for a $20 shower curtain, a $10 shower liner, and a $15 bath mat. This makes a nice sort of themed gift and you can count it in your head as having a $45 option, which is obviously flexible as you can add or remove.
Should you find yourself feeling forced to get something you feel is silly, just remember that the card can make all the difference with just a pun, a nod to some personal thing, or a mention of why it's actually important. For example, buying a space heater "for the hottest couple I know," or a pot "just so you always remember who taught you how to make chicken soup." You get the idea.

Thus ends part one of the registry advice. Next time - where to register and why!

Jeweddingirl

I really like weddings - kind of an irony since while planning my own, I do my best to repeat my mantra: "It's just a five-hour party." (Nota Fiance: "Six, if you're doing it right.") It's not so much the wedding party itself - let's just say flowers are not my domain - but for me, the fun stuff is more the registering, guest-list-making, program-writing, etiquette part of it. Strange, I know, but if you know me, you know this.
This kind of love does not lend itself to being a good wedding planner, as some have suggested I try. I imagine you would want your wedding planner to care if you had hydrangeas (which I hate) or calla lilies (which I love. Hmmm, maybe I care more than I think...) But since I have nothing to do with this particular obsession, and I don't want to load my blog that people actually read with wedding crap, it seemed that this was something I could do during my very slow days leading up to my August nuptials. And so...Jewediquette! (Because, as we all know, Jewish weddings are a totally different ballgame...)

A note: I have zero qualifications to be giving advice. I feel I should mention that. However, people do ask me questions, so what the hell, right? So here are some recently asked questions, and my answers, mostly based on absolutely nothing but what I think:

Q: Fiance? Fiancee? I took Spanish in high school.
A: Simple French rule of thumb: One e means it's masculine. Two means it's feminine. I am his fiancee. He is my fiance. Done.

Q: Can I wear a white dress to someone else's wedding?
A: You never know what a bride's pet peeves are gonna be, so err on the side of caution. If you're close enough with the bride, just ask her if she minds, and encourage her to be truthful. If you're not, and you're really longing to wear your dress, try to pair it with a brightly colored and considerably non-bridal accessory, e.g. a shawl, metallic shoes, not-so-delicate jewelry. However, if your dress is long (i.e. longer than cocktail length) or made of a bridal or bridesmaid fabric (e.g. chiffon would be OK, lace or satin would not), it's a no-go. There are limits.

Q: Do I have to invite someone who invited me?
A: Who hasn't asked this question? Well, my answer may not be the safest but I feel OK about it. My feeling is that if you haven't spoken to them in over a year, and they in no way acknowledged your engagement, cut away.

Q: Do I have to get an engagement present, and a shower present, and a wedding present? Um, I'm poor.
A: Nope, only if you're going to the shower, yes.

Tune in next time for my favorite subject of all time...registries!