Being a Good Guest

Being a good guest starts way even before the wedding even begins. In an age where we're no longer restricted to the very personal touch of a phone call, you pretty much have to go out of your way not to wish someone a Mazel Tov when they get engaged, whether in person, by phone, by sending a card, by e-mail, by text, by OnlySimchas post, or by Facebook post. I mean, come on--it's couldn't be easier. I will flat out tell you--I did not invite a single person to my wedding who didn't wish me a Mazel Tov in some sort of fashion. With all the channels available for communication these days, how could you consider your self to be a good enough friend to be invited if you're not even comfortable or interested enough in the couple to wish them congratulations?



So there you go, the obvious step 1: congratulate. The happy couple wants people there who show interest if not excitement in their wedding. So don't be that guy--you either look apathetic or bitter. Or both. Oh, and when you contact the couple, don't give them crap about how you heard they got engaged. Yes, it would be nice if they personally called every single one of their friends, but that's absurd, so get over it. That's what OnlySimchas is there for.

Then come all the obvious next steps--buying presents when you deem you should, making sure to say congratulations in person at related events, replying promptly if the bride or groom e-mails you for your address, sending in your response card on time and committing to your response, or giving sufficient advance notice if changing your response, and, of course, showing up to the actual event in a timely manner.

And now, at the actual wedding...

Guys--sure, food is good and flirting with the chicks is fun, but empty Chassan's Tishes are really depressing, and there's food and alcohol there too, so mosey on over and sing loud, even if you have to down a lot of Jack Daniels to do it.

Girls--yup, it's awkward, but talk to the bride anyway. Bring a buddy if you have to. It's pretty not OK to skip out on greeting the bride, even if she seems like she's super busy and couldn't care less. Just don't take too long--older women will step on you--and be careful of her makeup.

Like taking pictures? Great! Just stay out of the photographers' way, and when it comes time to post them, try to omit the ones the bride is clearly not going to be a fan of.

And then we've got the chuppah. The number one worst thing you can do at a chuppah is leave your cell phone on. Nothing destroys a magical moment faster than "My Humps" blaring suddenly in the middle of the reading of the ketubah. Keeping the talking to a minimum is obvious, as is not sticking your camera in the face of anyone walking down. If the bride was kind enough to give you jewelry for segulah, make sure you return it to someone in the bridal party ASAP, and to finish it all off, dance them out like the royal couple they are for the day.

Now for the wedding itself, there are a few things it's really nice to be attentive to if the bride and/or groom don't have bridesmaids and/or groomsmen, and especially if you are a bridesmaid or groomsmen. Number one is water--decorated bottle or simply a glass of tap, it doesn't matter--just keep the couple hydrated. Number two is a chair--everyone needs a break every now and again. Number three is a napkin--no one likes dripping sweat! And number four is way more optional but still appreciated--if you can figure out some way to fan them, go for it.

And of course, there's always schtick, which has a huge range. The only schtick that seems to be manditory these days are arches, which you can make out of pool noodles or hoola hoops, borrow from a friend, or get from a g'mach. It's also cute to substitute something a little more personal--at one particularly athletic couple's wedding, for example, we used hockey sticks and baseball bats instead. If you know a musical couple, inflatable guitars may be a cute choice.

The easiest schtick, of course, are shirts from schools and/or institutions the pair have attended, but there's no limit to what you can do, from cutouts of meaningful objects to posters of things they love, to blown up pictures, to funny costumes, to absolutely anything that might mean anything to the bride or groom or both.

And finally--benching. It's a really nice thing when the bride and groom finally get a chance to sit down at their table and relax for benching to look out and see their friends, so it's kind of a lousy thing to do to sit at your table, hunched over a piece of warm chocolate cake, while they feel that no one cares about this last ritual part of the event. Suck it up, pull up a chair, and whether you washed or not, take a seat as front and center as you can get it.